Today you are fourteen. That’s pretty big. You have a lot in store this year. You may not believe that I am the you from the future, the twenty-four-year-old you, but suspend your disbelief for a moment. I am not here to tell you every party of your life to come, but I will give you some advice.
Things are going to get harder. You may not have thought that was possible, but you will doubt yourself, you will find yourself understanding why suicide is an option to so many, and you will pull through it. You will reach your lowest point to come, you will to thaw and succumb to emotions and you will doubt the reasoning to your existence, but you will pull through it. You are so much stronger then you ever knew. You are a warrior princess, forged in the heat of battle and one day you will feel comfortable using those kinds of references in public.
Look out for your sister in the years to come. She will need you, as a role model, as a friend and, most importantly, as her big sister. These petty arguments you have now will mean nothing. Be there for her. You will need to be there for all of your family. There are rough times ahead and they will need your logical mind, your stable foundation, your reasoning nature, to ground them and remind them that it is ok to be selfish sometimes; it is okay to reach out for help. Remember those things yourself.
I know you think you know what you want to do with your life, but really, admit it to yourself, you have no clue. That’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself; you’ll only make yourself unhappy. Go with the flow. I know you hate that saying and I know you like plans and goals, but at twenty-four, I am still not sure of my future directions. I know it involves helping people. You’ve always been good at that. Practice now. Keep helping people.
For now, Ashayla, keep striving. High school is not the be all and end all. You will get through it and you will achieve grades your parent’s are proud of. They will always be proud of you. Don’t try and change yourself to how you believe other’s want you to be. Don’t dumb yourself down or hide your true character. You are a good person Ashayla, an intelligent person, a person that believes in the equality of mankind and that every person deserves a fair go, don’t squash that. High school is a very small scope of the world, you will not meet your people until you leave.
Remember Ashayla, fight, and keep fighting. When the darkness comes, remember, “you know happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.”